Change is inevitable. Change is scary.
For me, personally, there is a good chance that 2015 will go down as one of the "big years". I mentioned in a post about a month ago that I needed to post about my job change, but I still haven't done it. One reason is, it has been such an emotional, struggle-to-trust God, hard point in my life. And I am not on the other side yet, but I will try to post a synopsis as best I can.
My job has always been real estate involved. For five years before I had kids I was the Office Manager of a real estate office that had 90+ agents. Then, when the kids were babies I did odd jobs for real estate agents from home (mailings, random e-mails, etc.). About five years ago, I began working again for a real estate team as their Closing Coordinator and doing all of their paperwork. I loved it! My office was at home. I knew my job. I was good at my job. But, it suddenly (handling 30 contracts/clients at a time) became more than my family, mostly my husband, could handle. Unfortunately, there was a disagreement on the terms of my job description and pay (which hurt my feelings after so many years of good service) and I felt very confident the Lord was telling me my time was up. It was very, very, very difficult for me. This was my comfort zone. I loved my job. But, I mentioned my "nudge from the Lord" feeling to Jason and he said he was waiting for me to feel it too.
It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I work so my kids can attend a Christian, private school. I was about to quit my job without many options in front of me. And, the thought of having to pull them out of school was devastating to me - and it still terrifies me because it still could happen.
On day three of working out my notice, the church called. Their Publications Secretary was going on maternity leave soon and they were wondering if she could train me to cover for her while she was gone. It wasn't going to be a lot of hours, but it was something. I had no idea what to expect, so I trained for a week and then decided I could do it. I kept up training a few more weeks and then Tasya had her baby a few weeks early, so it was just me!! Now, I've been working for two months and I've just found out Tasya is not coming back. I will have to decide what my future at the church looks like and pray to see if there is anything else I am not seeing. Right now, the church hours are not covering what I need them to cover for school.
And, with that being said, the Lord has provided. About a month after I left the team I was working for, I was approached by one of the agents on the team. He was desperate for paperwork help until they found a replacement. He asked if I could cover just his paperwork, knowing that I was working at the church and not as available as before. They had someone starting in July, but she would need to be trained and he asked if I could cover just his files until the end of August. This was perfect for me. Keeping me with my love of real estate. Keeping my foot in the door if I decide to make a business of Closing Coordinating for other agents. And giving me extra income thru August to compensate...for now.
So, back to a lot of decisions. I hate decisions. I over-analyze everything! Decisions keep me up at night. I am an accountant, control-freak, that wants everything laid out before jumping in. That is not what God has allowed so far this year. He has basically said, "take my hand, I've got this". Which, honestly, is way better than me controlling the situation, but in my warped, sinful mind, I feel better if I've got things planned out.
What's next? I have no idea. And, I'm trying to be ok with that. The Lord has closed different doors, one-by-one that I thought were wide open (a job at the school, a bookkeeper job, etc.) so I am working at the church and I am doing my real estate on the side. I may keep working at the church, and my hours will increase when many activities resume in August? I want to try to stay at the church, but even with the increase in hours, I'll still have to do something else or pray for a tuition fairy to go by CCS and drop a sack of gold in our name. :) I may look at other bookkeeper jobs? I may try to start a Closing Coordinator business and work for multiple real estate agents from my home office, under my terms, my fees? I may get out of Mary Kay and get into something else along those lines? I'll also keep watching the job list at the school. Like I said, so..many..decisions.
Whatever I do, I know I must take the Lord's hand and trust that his plan is a lot better and amazing than anything I could ever think up or imagine.
Change is inevitable. But, it doesn't have to be scary.